A few weeks ago, I was wondering if I'd survive five days with the United States military intact. Today, I'm realizing I didn't. First, the backstory. In theory, the Joint Civilian Orientation Conference is "a program sponsored by the Secretary of Defense for civilian public opinion leaders interested in growing their knowledge of the military and national defense issues." In practice, it's as simple as spending a very intense workday with each of the U.S. Armed Forces—Air Force, Coast Guard, Marine Corps, Army, and Navy. (For the record, that's the order in which we met them, not a value judgment!) And in reality, of course, it ends up being so much more.